Come on Boy Mamas, what is it with boys??? As the 2nd oldest of four girls I knew nothing about the life of boys. Sure I knew what it meant to be a bit boy crazy. I sang passionately along with John Travolta in “Grease” ala Sandy, rocked the largest “New Kids on the Block” pin I could find and made some of the very best mixed tapes on the market. But with no brothers around, I was never privy to the “dark side”.
Now that I’m a wife and mom to not one but two boys, I’ve been granted an all access backstage pass. I could never have imagined how this other half live! What my eyes have now seen I can never un-see. And no amount of Febreeze will ever help my nose un-smell what it has smelled.
However, with all of the challenges my boys pose to my senses, they make up for it ten-fold with their impact on my heart. Those manipulative little…cutie munchkin marshmallow pies.
To help wrap my head around the context of a “boy’s life” I’ve identified 3 core areas in which they mainly operate. Below is my, albeit the early years take, on the XY Chromosome Crew’s 3 S’s- “Smells, Smack and Smiles”.
#1- Smells
I always pictured myself watching my children play in the yard, free as birds, then hugging and kissing them profusely as they ran back into the house just in time for dinner. I’ll never forget the first time I was greeted by a sweaty, musty smelling child rather than the sweet smelling cherub I’d anticipated. The scent seeping through my boys’ pores literally forced me back against the wall, head turned, breath held. When did I get a wet dog?
Apparently it doesn’t matter if its 90 degrees out or 32, the simple act of sweating outdoors causes some chemical reaction in my boys which rival fertilizer plants. Impromptu 4pm bath times are not uncommon in my house. I tell them work needs to be done on the pipes. I know one day my boys will ask why there was so much emergency “plumbing work” done at our home yet they never saw a plumber. For now I just tell them Santa isn’t the only one who can hop in and out of chimneys without a trace.
Next up, pee-pee. Yup, the yellow stuff that seems to land everywhere but the toilet. What is it with boys and bad aim? They can throw a perfect football pass yet can’t control their own hose? The worst are those 1am potty runs. Afterward the bathroom looks like a slaughterhouse. How does pee get on the shower curtain, the toilet seat cover (isn’t the seat up??) or the tiles. The mosaic tile design was only chosen because of it’s ability to camouflage the liquid shrapnel during the battles of the splash. The jugs of Clorox Wipes can’t be big enough.
Speaking of battles, I need a gas mask for the gasses freely passed. What the heck do they eat?! I was a BioChem major in college and ignorantly assumed the digestive process was equal between the sexes. Nope! Boys must have an extra enzyme that turn strawberry short cake into rat poison. Okay, okay…I shouldn’t insult rat poison.
#2- Smack
As in “talking smack”. Oh how these boys love to talk smack to one another. Us girls were sure to compliment, reassure and encourage…in public. We saved the critiques and put-downs for private bathroom talks like civilized people.
But not boys. No, they broadcast their competitiveness and disdain from the roof tops. “I was first. I’m the fastest. I’m the best. You don’t stand a chance”. Then they call each other BFF’s? I don’t understand it. I’m constantly yelling out things like “It’s not a race. There are no winners. Because he’s older. Because he’s younger”. But I secretly love their ability to just say what’s on their minds, push one another to be better and not take things personally. The boys may be on to something here.
And what’s this love hate relationship with water and bath time? Every evening I feel like I live in the Twilight Zone when I announce its bath time and I’m received with loud groans, negotiations for which body parts need to be washed that day, and God forbid who needs to go first.
It’s a battle to get them in the tub, but once they’re in there they don’t want to come out! Is it all for show? What causes the transformations once they’re wet from smelly boys to contestants for “America’s Got Talent” and submarine operator? I thought I could witness the metamorphosis with a spray bottle or a hose, but nope, it’s something about 3 walls and a showerhead that makes the magic happen.
#3- Smiles
Oh, but those smiles. Regardless of all of the mischief and mayhem, they flash just one of those smiles at me and my heart literally melts. They offer the sweetest words and tender hugs at the perfect moments.
For right now I’m “their beautiful girl” and “best mom ever” and hearing them say those things absolutely makes me feel like the most blessed girl in the world. I really am. These silly rabbits are my babies.
Those smiles aren’t exclusive to just the boys in the house. Whether it’s funny nicknames, dance moves, random jokes or facts, they make me laugh out loud every single day with their silliness. It’s even better to see how they crack themselves up!
I love my boys so much and wouldn’t trade the smells, their smack talking and of course those smiles for anything in the world. They fill up my life and my heart. I love being a boy mom. What a treat it is to get this wonderful crash course into the “Boy Life” for the unbeatable price of $100,00 per child. So worth it!
