Have you ever had one of those days where you felt if just one…more…thing were added to your plate, you would burst? I’m not talking about a “tough day” I’m talking about the “I’m about to lose my mind, have a complete meltdown, so help me God” kind of day.
Well, I recently went through one and boy did it knock the wind out of me. After the storm passed, I began to reflect on how conflicted I felt internally about how best to handle and overcome the stress. As someone who generally has solid control of their emotions, the experience was a bit shocking honestly and EYE OPENING.
HISTORY:
Before I jump into the nitty gritty of the situation, first let me provide some context around how I operate. I’m one of those people who relish peace and quiet. I actually require this time in order to re-balance and run at 100%. It’s counter-intuitive to my daily role as a sales coach, speaking to and working with people all day long. But I’m sure Moms everywhere can relate. I need this time to help provide perspective and to recharge.
I’d like to say because it’s so important for my well-being, I make “mommy time out” a daily priority..but I’d be lying. I only need a few minutes to reap this amazing benefit, but I too often and too easily put other things, other people, first. This allows stress and frustration to build. Most times I recognize the signs of pent up stress and force myself to take a breather. But sometimes I reach a boiling point.
THE DECISION:
This last series of events hit me fast and furious with drama from all sides- personal illness, parenting drama, work surprises, hubby stress and to add insult to injury, a 5lb weight gain. Seriously?! Admittedly my attitude of gratitude waned. There was just too much being given and no time to recharge.
I knew I needed to get it together but I struggled with how best to. Part of me wished for an invisible cloak that would allow me to disappear- if only for a few moments. Another part of me screamed the answer to finding serenity lay in hugging my babies even tighter. So what was a girl to do?
You see, in tough times “(wo)manning up” is my default response. Growing up, our family endured many difficult challenges but I remember that no matter what, no matter how hard things were, I could always count on my Mom being there. She is a pillar of strength and grace.
When faced with tough times, my Mom’s “away” time consisted of tacking on a few additional minutes in the shower so she could cry things out. She’d then put on a brave face (and a smile) to tackle the problem. Even as a young child, I noticed the tale tell signs of her crying- the red nose, the swollen eyes, the hoarse voice, but I wouldn’t dare ask about it. I just knew that whatever “it” was, Mom would handle it and I felt safe. Talk about super hero power.
Now as an adult, I’ve seen friends take mommy vacas in order to get some much needed R&R. We’re talking 3-5 day retreats, ladies. In their words, it’s to “take care of themselves so they can be better for their loved ones”. I can relate to that sentiment and I have to admit, some days a long distance escape sounds AMAZING. But I struggle with the guilt of leaving. Of not always being there like my Mom was for us.
In reality, if I took off for a few days, though the house may fall apart, my children wouldn’t imagine anything was wrong. They’d assume I had a business meeting or was out planning something fun for them. But like many of us, my childhood experiences influence me every day. Subconsciously they shape my thoughts, perception and choices. And though I thankfully have more options than my Mom did, I still struggle with exercising them.
It’s impossible to compare my Mom’s struggles decades ago and my struggles today; we’re literally talking Mars and Venus. When faced with life’s challenges, I often ask myself, “What would Mom do?”. In this case I have to think that part of the reason my Mom ALWAYS chose “a cry in the shower” versus “time away”, was because she had no choice and very little support. Would she have escaped for a bit if given the choice? For a few hours, days, or across state lines? I don’t know. Maybe?
So back to the original question- what was a girl like me to do to de-stress? This mother, wife, professional, feminist, traditionalist, emotional, strong woman? Well this time, a long cry in the shower along with spa music and meditation, did the trick. But I know this won’t be the last hurdle and next time a cry in the shower may not be enough.
Maybe next time an ice cream sundae, a new pair of shoes, a glass of wine (or whiskey), or a day away would be the better option. It’s really about doing whatever works for us. Whatever allows us to take time to breathe, to just BE. Because as Moms, our true end goal really is to be the best us, so we can show up as our best for the ones we love.
So friends, what tactics have you used to release that “knock you off your feet” kind of stress?
