I’ve been a Sports Mom now for over 6 years. In that time I’ve packed 100’s of sandwiches, gone through 200 bottles of grass stain remover, driven 1000’s of miles, battled the elements and spent way more than I care to admit on “gear”.
As a former Anthropology student who studied culture and behavior, one fun element of being a “sports parent” is observing how other parents operate. I’m telling you, if you’re looking for diversity you don’t have to go any further than the local soccer game or Little League field.
Friends, let’s talk about the “Top 10 Sports Parent Personalities” found off the field.
- The Bowl of Sunshine-This is the parent who walks around with a permanent grin on their face. Everything is wonderful in their world. The team can be down 11-0 but that plastered smile says “Relax…everything is going to be alright”. It doesn’t matter how frustrated you may feel the second they pass you by you can’t help but smile back. I have to admit though, on multiple occasions I’ve had to hold back from screaming “No buddy, we’re officially S-O-L on this one”. But you can’t yell at The Bowl of Sunshine. It’ll bring 7 years of bad luck or something.
- Laser Beam Eyes– This parent is the epitome of focus. The stares they give their children, other players and the coaches is so intense it could cut steel. They truly believe that if they look away even for a second the entire team will fall apart. It’s a miracle any of us could walk straight without the assistance of their piercing glares.
- The Agent– These parents bring me back to club promoting days. They’re hard core recruiters and fan makers. They come prepared with Little Jack or Jill’s stats, school GPA, talent card and superior diet preferences. “Can you believe my child only wants to eat green vegetables at each meal?” they say. “Dude, seriously?!” is what I think, but instead politely comment “That’s amazing”. Everyone needs a win right?
- The Coddler– This parent is the walking First Aid Kit and indispensable to the parent team. Whether it’s a scrape, a sprain, bug bite or sunburn, The Coddler is ready with supplies and hugs for all. Meanwhile I’m scrambling in my cooler wondering whether the nutritious Lunchables could double as an ice pack. But God forbid The Coddler’s child gets injured. The poor child would walk off the field in a full body brace and tourniquet. This mama secretly LOVES The Coddler.
- The Expert– This know-it-all parent loves to provide “feedback” on everything- the plays, the calls, the field conditions, even the equipment. Time supposedly restricts them from running the whole kit and caboodle but they reassure each of us that if they were running this whole bit, things would look a lot different. I’m not sure which strategies they’d employ to keep my kid from rolling in dirt in the outfield, but okay, whatever you say boss. I have to admit though I’ve learned a lot from The Expert and even picked up some lingo I can throw around from time to time to pretend I know what I’m talking about.
- Nervous Nelly– This parent is the pacer who is waiting for everything to fall apart. They wonder out loud whether enough kids will show up to play or if we’ll have to forfeit the game. Or whether the weather will hold up or sweep us away. “Nervous Nelly” gets me all wound up. As a result of their influence I now pack my trunk with everything from tents to rain coats in August, just in case.
- The Creeper– This parent freaks me out! One minute you see them, the next you don’t. They eventually pop up right behind you, but you don’t notice until they grunt a low voiced comment such as “Nice play”. Ahhh! Where do they go? Who do they speak to? We will never know.
- The Social Butterfly– Walking into this parent’s presence is like re-enacting a scene from Cheers! They know everyone’s names. They know details about your life, you even forgot about. Wait..who, what? We can count on The Social Butterfly to know everything about the external dynamics of the game. Exactly who’s present or out sick today and why, who they arrived with, what each brought for lunch, who has allergies and also arranges the post game festivities. Wow, it’s hard work but I guess someone’s got to do it.
- The Cheerleader– No one screams louder or brings more passion to the game than The Cheerleader Parent. They’re the first to cheer on the kids and the first to yell at the referee or ump for a bum call. Miraculously they never notice the sideward glances from other parents in their vicinity who now need to invest in hearing aids for blown eardrums. It doesn’t matter that they lose their voice by the end of each game then have to call out of work the next day. They do it for the love of the game and for the love of the kids. Good reminder for me to bring ear plugs and lozenges to the next game.
- The Reader– This is the parent who brings the book or newspaper to every game and looks up from them from time to time for two reasons only: (1) To make sure their child is alive and (2) To calculate how much time is left before they can head out. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good book but I can’t help but wonder what exactly it is that rips their attention away for so long. I guess I’m just curious…and maybe a little jealous. This sleep deprived mama could probably learn a thing or two from The Reader. Maybe they hold the secret for balancing the kids schedules and making time for oneself. Maybe I’ll become inspired and book a massage in the outfield next game.
Regardless of the diversity of personalities on the parental sidelines, we all have one thing in common. We love our kids.
We may show it differently. Some with a loud cheer, others with a long lecture on the car ride home, but we’re all in this together.
The ultimate score card most parents should keep is on celebrating the child’s progress, inch by inch. If the next generation is advancing, doing more, being more, then we all win.
